Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize