Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
