I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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