I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
