I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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