Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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