You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
