i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
