so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
