I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
