We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize