508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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