why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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