It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
