let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
