I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
