I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
