Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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