Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
