I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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