I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
