The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
