i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
