Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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