Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize