Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
