There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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