I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
