Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
