It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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