I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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