just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
