Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
