when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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