Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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