First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
