he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
