Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
