There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Everclear isn't food dammit
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