Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
