Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
