need another drink. this is the easiest way
...so i touched it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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