I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
