I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
