I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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