I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize