Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
