I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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