When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Houston, we have a squirter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
