people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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