she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
