You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
