Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my poor anus
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
