I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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