No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
