Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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