So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this will be a night to untag.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
