evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
