like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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