So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
