dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
