That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
