you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
