beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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