I cockslap morals
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
