I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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