sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
