Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize