they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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