I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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