Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
