My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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