Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
