Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize