If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
